Student+Ward,+Kyra

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Determine what the audio recording feature is on your own computer, and respond to this invitation to join the class wiki by writing down what the application or software is called that you will be using to create an audio file of your commentaries. If you do not have such capability on your personal or home computer, please see me to arrange to use a school computer for creating audio recordings of your commentaries.

You will upload these audio files to your personal wiki page, and then you will review the oral commentaries of peers and offer feedback via the discussion feature.

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Hello Mama G! I will be using Voice Memos on my phone to record my commentary!

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Hello Kyra, I will be reviewing your IOC on “The Sea and the Wind That Blows” today. She gives a good and in depth summary of the essay as a whole and of the specific passage that she will be commenting on. This provided a background for the commentary. She had several good quotes that helped to support her point. She mentioned that she was going to attempt to go in chronological order. She succeeded to go in chronological order up until she came to the literary devices that are in the essay, but forewarned that she was going to go out of order during this segment. When he is asking himself the questions and as you said “just talking to himself as if there wasn’t an audience”, what effect does this have on the reader? Why is this important? She addressed the theme and addressed repetition and explains what White means at these parts. She spoke clearly and at a good pace that is easy to follow. In the end, she addresses the essay as a whole as “something that people can relate to” which was a good way to sum it up and bring the commentary to a close. I like how you told us about White’s talent of turning his memories into “metaphorical stories” and used this essay as an example. When she came to quotes, she mentioned their locations in the paragraph. To make citing quotes easier I would suggest she number the lines. The ending was good up until the point where you said “I think I’m done. Yes indeed I’m finished.” The transitions were “moving on” or “yeah…. Anyways…” I understand the difficulty making transitions but these do need improvement. You mention White using “personification…… or maybe it’s not personification but it’s worth mentioning.” She contradicted herself right in the middle of the sentence because she was uncertain or found a mistake. She forgot to address the tone. She sort of forgot to mention to what purpose and/or what effect White does several things in the essay. Kyra’s commentary had a few flaws and errors. She forgot to mention a couple of important aspects that a great commentary needs. It was just a bit hard to follow because the transitions were almost nonexistent and she found mistakes in her notes while recording the commentary. Although there is plenty of room for improvement in this commentary, it was also very well executed. She addressed several very important main aspects of the commentary at length and helped the listen to understand what White was meaning at several parts. She brought in her own unique understanding of the essay and explained it very well in a clear and steady voice. She concluded the commentary very well (except for “yes indeed”) and repeated herself a time or two, which isn’t always bad when it comes to your main points. All-in-all Kyra did a great job on this commentary. Knowledge and understanding: 4 Interpretation and personal response: 6 Presentation: 7 Use of language: 4
 * Did the speaker address context? Purpose?**
 * Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary?**
 * What questions would you ask this person for clarification, IF YOU WERE THE ACCESSOR?**
 * What did the speaker do well?**
 * What would you suggest for improvement?**
 * What did the speaker forget to address?**
 * What would you score them based on the IB Rubric?**
 * FINAL SCORE: 21**
 * Justin Dearing**

Kyra did explain the purpose of the essay, and had good supporting evidence for that. In addition, she provided context for the passage, however to me she could have had more detail and explained a bit better when she was going to be summarizing the essay or the passage, it got jumbled to me. All in all though, she did. There was an organizational principle, she mentioned going chronologically and I think she did that well. (Though she did say she might get jumbled at one point, I didn't really see it). What did the literary devices, particularly the passage on sea creatures, do to further what E.B White is trying to say? Did they really give you meaning, like you mentioned they might give a reader, and how? Kyra very well handled discussing the overall theme of the essay, and I very much liked that, the idea of addiction. It was something I hadn't thought of, and it gave it a lot of meaning I hadn't seen before. In addition, I like the way she spoke, calmly composed. And I liked how her evidence and themes very often linked back to this idea of losing something, and addiction. I wouldn't question yourself as much as you do, personally. Try and speak with more confidence. In addition, in the beginning it was hard to understand when you were explaining the passage, when you were explaining the whole essay, and if you actually did explain the essay as a whole, so I would work on that some. Also, when you spoke, sometimes you had long pauses. I would try and do away with that. Maybe wrap up the conclusion a bit better as well. I really liked it, but it ended rather quickly. I would make sure you do clearly explain the essay as a whole. Make sure you explain the effect of the literary devices, etc. have in furthering the essay as a whole. 4 (Good overall) 6 (Second guessing yourself, particularly on literary devices, not putting a tone in the work, using "like" a lot, and not doing into as much depth as you could have brought you down here some, but I did think it wasn't bad). 7 (Good overall, the only thing here is that you weren't very convincing with the way you spoke, in that you second guessed yourself and paused some). 3 (Could elevate register some, otherwise a good job)
 * -Did the speaker address context? Purpose? **
 * -Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary? **
 * -What questions would you ask this person for clarification, IF YOU WERE THE ACCESSOR? **
 * -What did the speaker do well? **
 * -What would you suggest for improvement? **
 * -What did the speaker forget to address? (lit terms, themes, etc.) **
 * -What would you score them based on the IB Rubric? **
 * Total score: 20**
 * -Connor Brashar**

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media type="youtube" key="2yqfAHpKS2g" height="315" width="420" ** SECOND COMMENTARY SELF-REVIEW: ** Yes. I took the time to explain what was happening in the passage that was chosen. However I did not take the time to talk about what the whole play was about. I did mention symbols and themes found in the context of the passage as well. There was an organizational principle that I did follow. How does the perspective of death through Hamlet's eyes contribute to the passage as well as the whole play? I gave really good examples of certain things I was talking about. I also tied everything back to the main theme of death and mentioned how it effected certain parts of the passage. I think that I had a decent conclusion. I made sure to relate everything back to the main theme and subject of death. I suppose I could have elaborated a bit more in the end. I found that there were times when I would try to explain certain things and then it wouldn't make sense at all. So I need to work on my language and wording so the listeners are able to completely follow along and understand my commentary. I think my opening was alright terms of explaining what was happening and mention the organizational principle. However, I think I could have elaborated a tad bit more when I was talking about the story. I also jumped right into the context and I didn't have any smooth transitions. I forgot to address repetition. I remember making a note of that and completely forgot to talk about it. 4 6  7  3
 * -Did the speaker address context? Purpose? **
 * -Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary? **
 * -What questions would you ask this person for clarification, IF YOU WERE THE ACCESSOR? **
 * -What did the speaker do well? **
 * -What would you suggest for improvement? **
 * -What did the speaker forget to address? (lit terms, themes, etc.) **
 * -What would you score them based on the IB Rubric? **
 * Total score: 20 **
 * - Kyra Ward**